Recently my friend Patrice asked me to be a guest blogger on her single life blog.

If you get time you must go be inspired by this beautiful, encouraging soul.

Challenge was accepted.

I'm reposting the the blog I wrote for her because if you're scrolling through my blog it might just inspire you. Our struggles, our stories can be used for good if it brings light and love to others.

I started dating late in life. I joke I had the understanding of a 16 year old but a body of a 25 year old. Needless to say I learned a hard lesson on how nothing good happens after midnight. I got wrapped in a relationship without commitment and once a soul tie was made, I lost “me” along the way. It's been a long journey that I'm still walking out but who I am today is more gracious, loving and fearless because I've allowed myself the grace to accept all the good, the bad and ugly.

My Nugguts

Know you, Be you and Love you.

You have to know who you are before you can know who you are in a relationship. You have to be you in all your quirkiness and give them the permission to love you just as you are. You have to truly love yourself with all your junk knowing you are a beautiful work in progress.

Being authentic with yourself gives you a healthy ability to grow and just BE in a relationship.

If you like doors to be opened don't apologize for it, just give them grace to learn but stand your ground. If hanging with your bros is important then stay true to that while respecting the time and needs of your girl. I am a true believer in making what's important to them important to you but make sure you don't lose “you” along the way.

Having self-respect is one of the greatest gifts you can give your partner and most importantly yourself. It starts with loving your beautiful, messy, honest, (sometimes) crazy, adorable, loveable self.

Shame is a prison but you have the keys.

If you have gone places in the past that has brought you shame, Let It Go! Shame is an awful thing that paralysis you from your potential.

It makes you seem small when really you are strong, able, vivacious and free.

Shame defines you as “less than”, Grace defines you with respect, honor, and worth.

What you do might shape you but it doesn't define you. Don't allow shame to steal a minute, a day, a year of your life. Acceptance of what was and the ability to set it free will give you grace to lift up your head in dignity and receive the love that is for you. No good comes from shame.

What is for you will not pass you by.

I have been trapped by fear that “IT” may never come unless I work at “it” and make “it” happen. If I pray a little harder, dream a little bigger, focus more intently it will suddenly manifest. But as cliché as it sounds when you least expect it, that is when it happens.

Shifting your attention off the thing is not only healthy but helpful. I think when we want something so bad we send out this needy energy that can come across as “too much” and unattractive. You might not say I'm desperate with your words but it's oozing from your very being.

The best way to combat “desperato-ville” is to take your energy off “when will it come” and put it on “who you will be when it does”.

I truly believe that the right (un-perfect) but perfect for you person will come and the best is to rest in that fact. Find new hobbies, live full adventures, make memories with the best human beings you've surrounded yourself with and when your person comes they will be a beautiful addition to a full life that already exist.

Shake off what was and set your soul free. Lift up your eyes and hold on to hope. It will happen.

Don't sweat it, control it, fear it or force it. Rest in the fact it WILL come to pass and be okay that there is nothing you can do about it.

Some people learn from other's pain, some people have to experience it themselves. The mama bear in me would want to spare everyone from hurting, from the tears, from the scars but wherever you are know...

You are enough. You're growing, learning, being and trusting. You are in the right place.

So much love with absolutely no pain.

xo,

Kjoy